When you’ve been a full-time caregiver for a long time, your world can shrink. Not in a bad way, just in a focused way. Everything narrows to the person you’re looking after. Their needs, their safety, their comfort. And you find ways to cope with that. You adapt. You forget that your own life used to look different.
So what do you do when they die?
This post is me trying to put into words what it was like to begin the journey to return to work after caring. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t confident. But I knew I had to start somewhere. Maybe reading this will help you feel a bit less alone if you’re going through the same thing.
The Silence After Caring
After Mum died, I didn’t know what I was meant to do with myself. I was still waking up in the mindset of a caregiver, alert to sounds, planning meals in my head, thinking about medication timings. Suddenly, there was silence. Not just in the house, but in my whole routine. My purpose had stopped.
I would just stare at the wall, knowing I should do something, anything. But I didn’t know what. I wasn’t ready. Not emotionally, not practically. I didn’t even think about work in the early weeks. I couldn’t. It felt irrelevant. I wasn’t in a place to consider logistics or employment. I barely had the energy to get dressed.
There’s No Magic Moment When You Feel Ready
People sometimes imagine there’s a moment when everything clicks and you’re suddenly ready to get back out there. That wasn’t what happened for me.
I still didn’t feel ready. I felt unsure, anxious, and I still felt broken. But I had to act anyway. Because survival pushes you, doesn’t it? Rent needs paying. Food needs buying. The world doesn’t pause while you try to catch up. The financial support I had, Carer’s Allowance and small bits here and there, was not going to last. And the bills were still coming.
I also didn’t want to rely on benefits long term. I’m not ashamed to say I needed them, many people do, but I know how much the system has changed. It’s become harder and more punitive. The thought of being pulled deeper into it filled me with dread. I didn’t want to be forced into some demeaning process just to prove I deserved basic help. I was already in pieces. I didn’t want to feel even worse.
So, even though I didn’t feel confident, I knew I had to begin the return to work after caring.
Knowing You Have To and Feeling Able Are Two Different Things!
That was the hard bit, deciding to return to work after caring and actually feeling able to work are two completely different things.
I hadn’t worked in a full-time role for over a decade. My last job felt like it belonged in a different lifetime. Everything had changed since then. Technology, the job market, the way people applied. It was all foreign to me.
Even the idea of filling in an application felt too big. I’d been out of the loop for so long. It wasn’t just about the gap on the CV. It was about not knowing what I was even qualified to do anymore. And wondering if anyone would take me seriously.
I doubted myself constantly. What do I have to offer? Am I too far behind? I had given everything to caring for Mum, and now I didn’t know what part of me was left for anything else. Would anyone even consider hiring me? What would I put on an application? Would they understand the kind of work I’d actually been doing all this time?
The Emotional Block
There was emotional resistance too. I didn’t feel ready to sit across from someone and talk about myself professionally. I didn’t feel confident enough to say, “This is what I can do.” There was always that voice in my head: You’ve been out too long. You’re behind. You’re not what employers are looking for.
I didn’t know what job I was going to do. I didn’t have a plan. But I knew I had to move. Grief doesn’t just leave. You have to carry it and keep going anyway. I had to at least try.
Small Steps Not A Full Plan!
So, I told a few friends that I was starting to think about work again. I shared on social media for advice to point me somewhere useful. One of those friends suggested Careers Wales and options for people who want to return to work. That was the first real help. I’ll talk more about what happened next in another post and more of the practical stuff.
But before I did anything else, I sat down and started a list. Just a small one. What am I good at? What have I done before? What did I enjoy, before everything became about appointments, prescriptions, and incontinence pads? What had I learned from being a caregiver?
That list didn’t fix anything, but it helped me focus. It gave me somewhere to start.
Realising Caregiving Is Work!
The people around me reminded me that caregiving is work. And not just any work. It’s project management, timekeeping, advocacy, crisis management, scheduling, emotional labour, and more. You don’t come out of it without skills. You just forget that those skills count.
I couldn’t see it at first. But with a bit of encouragement, I started to realise I did have something to offer. Maybe not in a perfectly polished way, but in a way that mattered.
And in that space, something started to shift. Not dramatically. Just enough to get going. Enough to open that first job link. Enough to start a CV draft. Enough to look at the world and think, maybe I can find my place in it again.
That’s what I wanted to share. Not a success story, not a transformation, just the beginning of movement. That point where you decide to try, even though it still hurts. Even though you still feel unsure.
If you’re here, wondering how to return to work after caring, I hope this helped you feel less alone. You don’t need a grand plan. You don’t need to be fully healed. You just need to start. Even a quiet start counts.
Because you’re not broken. You’re not too late. You don’t need to leap. Just lean a little.
P.S
Spoiler: I’ll share the process I went through and tips from looking for work in an upcoming post, but by the time you read this, I’m shocked and surprised to say that I found a job, a good job that meets my needs with friendly staff, just what I needed right now!
Oh that’s great to hear about the job!
So well done, is so hard to pick yourself up after a decade of caring and a huge loss,
so you are fantastic and any employer would be so lucky to have you.
Thank you Katy, It’s a really nice place and I’m enjoying it. I read your latest update, so hope you get the help you need soon.