When I think back, handling constipation in dementia care became one of the unexpected challenges when looking after my mum. It had a big impact on her quality of life. I saw it through increased restlessness, loss of appetite, and changes in her mood. Her anxiety & forgetfulness would also increase.
For someone with dementia, constipation can be distressing in a way they might not be able to express. Over time, I noticed the signs and understood how much it was affecting her comfort.
I learned slowly how best to try to help her and it became a key part of her care. These are the things that helped us.
Why It Took Me a While to Notice Something Was Wrong
Early on, I didn’t know what I was looking for. Mum would seem a bit off, not quite herself. She’d shift around more in her chair, refuse meals she usually enjoyed, or just seem unsettled in a way I couldn’t put my finger on.
At the time, I didn’t connect it to constipation right away. There was so much going on day to day, helping her dress, eat, stay calm so that her bowel routine wasn’t always top of mind.
But over time, I started to notice a pattern.
Once I made the link between those signs and her bowels, I could act a little sooner. I didn’t always get it right – I’m not a nurse; I was just her daughter doing my best – but over time I found a rhythm.
I stopped waiting until she was clearly uncomfortable and instead tried to build a routine that kept things moving before we hit that point.
Language was important as well. Instead of “you haven’t gone in days,” I’d say “how’s your tummy feeling today?“
Because going to the bathroom as soon as she felt the urge proved crucial – if she let that sensation pass or forgot about it, she’d miss the opportunity and nothing would happen.
Finding a Toilet Routine That Didn’t Feel Forced
There were times when toileting was stressful – for both of us when mum was mobile. She would sit on the toilet and nothing would happen, or she’d feel uncomfortable and agitated.
It was important to be patient, stay calm and not rush her. I’d talk softly, or sometimes just stay nearby without saying anything. Sitting with her a bit longer, giving her time to relax, made all the difference.
Having a set time to try, usually after breakfast, helped set a rhythm.
I kept the bathroom warm, added a little footstool to help her posture, and made sure she was never cold while sitting & waiting for nature to hopefully do its thing.
She Wasn’t Drinking Enough — and I Didn’t See It at First
Mum never asked for drinks. She’d happily sit for hours without anything, and if I handed her a glass of water, she might take one sip and forget it was there. So, I started offering small drinks more often, like diluted juice and herbal teas.
Always a cup of tea in the morning, water in between, or watermelon juice mid-morning and then squash in the afternoon, and of course more tea with her afternoon ritual of a jam doughnut.
I learned not to assume she was drinking enough just because the cup was near her. I had to sit with her, encourage her gently, make it easier for her to drink with thickeners.
I kept track of how many glasses she drank each day.
Ask yourself if they’re not drinking independently, is it because the cup is too heavy or not easy to pick. We shifted to a two-handed mug early on to help but as mum became weaker, I also helped support her hand to lift the cup.
Comforting Foods That Actually Helped
Everyone talks about fibre, and yes – it matters. But I quickly realised it wasn’t just about packing her meals with bran or high-fibre cereals. Those didn’t go down well, especially if she was already off her food. What helped was making meals that felt familiar and comforting, while also being easier to digest.
Stewed apples, soft pears, mashed sweet potato, porridge with ground flaxseed, or chia seed puddings. I also made sure we had soups regularly, especially ones with lentils or vegetables, which seemed to help keep her more regular.
I’d mix a bit of prune juice into her morning cereal or offer stewed fruit with yoghurt for breakfast or for dessert later.
Prune juice helps keep things moving and helps at the first signs of constipation but be careful of the sugar content if like mum you’re dealing with diabetes.
Sometimes I made her fruit and veg smoothies – not every day, but when I felt she needed a bit of help. She’d drink those more willingly than eat a plate of greens, and they didn’t upset her stomach the way some fibre-rich foods did.
And I gave mum fruit with a high-water content like melon or oranges. I also used these food ideas to keep bowel movements regular; all these things help us in our battle with constipation.
Medications Were Slowing Her Down
It took me a while to realise that some of Mum’s medications were making her constipation worse. A few of them especially those that helped with pain really slowed her bowels down and constipation was a side effect
No one told me that in the beginning. It was only after a few bad bouts of constipation that I brought it up with the GP, and we adjusted a few things.
That was a turning point. I started keeping a closer eye on how she reacted to medication changes. If she started a new tablet and then suddenly stopped going to the toilet, I flagged it early. But I had to bring it up – they weren’t always thinking about bowels unless I mentioned it.
So, my advice? Don’t wait. If you suspect medication is playing a part, speak to the GP or pharmacist.
If I could go back, I would’ve spoken up about it sooner. Don’t wait too long to mention it—bowel issues can escalate quickly if they’re left too long. Sadly, I know how bad it can get.
Why I Started Keeping a Simple Bowel Log
There were a few times, I left things too long, not realising how blocked up she was until she was really unwell. I felt awful – like I’d missed something I should have noticed.
That’s when I realised, I needed something else to help.
So, I started keeping track on a basic chart — just jotting down when she last had a bowel movement. Nothing fancy. I started with my phone but found using a simple calendar stuck on the wall near the bathroom was easier to quickly jot stuff down on.
It helped me spot when things were slowing down again. If it went more than two days, I took it seriously.
I used it when we transitioned into using incontinence pants for the care workers to let me know of when bowel movements occurred.
I found it helped me stay ahead of it, rather than waiting until she was already in discomfort. Once I started doing this, there were fewer surprises — and fewer days where she was completely out of sorts without me understanding why.
Small Movements Made a Bigger Difference Than I Expected
We didn’t do anything fancy. When mum was still walking, things moved better. —just a short walk in the house, even just to the kitchen and back, a few stretches in the chair, or even standing up and sitting down a few times a day helped.
On days when she didn’t want to move at all, I’d encourage her gently. Later, when she couldn’t walk, that’s when constipation became more regular.
We couldn’t “exercise” in the way leaflets suggested – there was no gentle yoga routine happening in our front room!
Instead, I focused on whatever movement she could manage. I helped her do small, seated movements—wiggling her legs, lifting her legs up, gentle leaning—while she sat in her chair. It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing.
Then I bought a mini pedal exerciser to help move her legs whilst sitting in a recliner, and that really helped.
And then as she got weaker, I bought an automatic one – Orbitrek Elliptical Pedal Exerciser which helped create that motion of walking which also helped with her bowel movements.
I tried to keep things going as much as her body allowed. Some days it worked, others not so much. But we tried.
Don’t Wait Too Long to Get Support
There was a time when I tried to sort it all out myself—tweaking food, adjusting her drinks, adding prunes here and there. But there’s a limit to what we can do at home.
Once, after a few uncomfortable days, she ended up with an impaction and needed help. It was awful, and I wish I’d called sooner.
After that, I made sure to speak to the doctor if things weren’t improving in a day or two.
We did eventually have to use prescribed laxatives. It became harder as mum became less mobile, stronger laxatives and even suppositories were needed to help keep things moving. But talk to your doctor to help to determine the best approach for your situation.
Final Thoughts on Managing Constipation in Dementia
Constipation doesn’t go away forever. It comes and goes. It sounds small, but when you’re the one managing it daily, it can be exhausting. There were days I felt like all I did was think about toilets, meals, and medication.
It’s ok to feel worn down by that but I learned not to beat myself up over it for too long. You do your best with what you know at the time.
This article on constipation in the elderly with dementia might be a helpful place to start if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
If you’re dealing with constipation in dementia care and feeling unsure where to start, I’d say start with what feels manageable and get advice from your doctor.
I didn’t figure things out overnight, and not everything worked. It took trial and error, and a lot of learning on the job
None of this is perfect, and what worked for us might not suit everyone, but these are the small adjustments that made it easier – on both of us. I can only hope they’ll help you too.
