Coping with Grief This Christmas – Small Things That Make A Difference

I’ve been thinking about how difficult it’s going to be to carry grief across Christmas and New Year celebrations.

My mum died in January this year. Her final weeks began on Christmas Eve, and nothing about this period feels the same anymore. I’m facing the holidays without her for the first time, and I know many of you will be facing your own version of this too. 

Coping with grief this Christmas can feel isolating, especially when the build-up is everywhere you turn. Homes are lit up, shops are busy, and the adverts start in September. You can’t escape it.

People move into celebration mode while you’re still trying to work out how to live with what’s happened. You may be facing your first holiday season without someone, or this might be your fifth, but the feelings don’t simply disappear.

I’m still figuring out what will help me get through this time. I don’t believe in turning grief into something neat or inspirational. I believe in naming what’s real and sharing it in case any of it aligns with where you are now.

Let Yourself Notice What This Time Brings Up

Grief doesn’t pause because the holidays arrive. You might feel sad, exhausted, numb, overwhelmed, or something else. You might find memories flooding back and be replaying them in your head. 

For me, the days around Christmas still hold parts of those last weeks with Mum. The hospital lights. The waiting. The uncertainty. The moment I realised nothing was returning to how it had been. 

You don’t have to push any of these memories aside. You don’t have to match the mood of the people around you. You don’t need to explain yourself. You’re allowed to let the season affect you in whatever way it does. Your grief belongs to you, and this time of year will always feel different when someone important isn’t here.

Ways to give yourself space

• Step away from noise or busy spaces when you need a breather
• Acknowledge the feeling instead of fighting it
• Let yourself cry if it comes
• Talk to those closest to you
• Use a journal to write down and get out what you’re feeling.
• Remember fond memories, moments that you shared together, the joy you both shared. 

These are ways to try to reduce the pressure on yourself.

Focus on What You Can Manage, Not What the Season Expects

Caregivers learn to put others first. We function through exhaustion, worry, and routines. After a loss, that instinct doesn’t disappear, you might want to be helpful, be there for everyone. But grief reshapes how much you can carry. It changes your appetite, sleep, and concentration. You may feel fatigued, foggy, or unable to do things that normally come easily. 

You don’t have to take part in the holiday season in the way others do. You don’t have to accept invitations, join gatherings, or decorate. You can create a much smaller version that suits where you are now. You don’t have to take part in anything that feels draining. It’s your choice what you do.

Ways to reduce pressure

• Keep your plans flexible 
• Say no without needing to justify it
• Choose smaller tasks to help with
• Rest when your body needs it
• Keep your home as your safe space 

There’s no requirement to celebrate. You’re allowed to protect your wellbeing first.

Protect Yourself by Setting Boundaries

This time of year brings predictable questions. Plans. Gatherings. Expectations. People don’t always realise that these questions might be difficult to answer when you’re grieving. You don’t need to share more than you want to. You can keep conversations brief and shift away from topics that make you feel uncomfortable.

Short phrases that work well

“I’m keeping things simple this year.”
“It’s more of a quiet time for me.”
“I’m taking things day by day.”
“No firm plans, but thank you for asking.”
“I have plans with family/friends, thanks for asking”

Shift the focus back to them, ask about their plans if you want to end the focus on you. There’s no reason why you can’t set boundaries around people’s expectations.

Keeping Your Loved One Close

This time of year can make the absence of your loved one feel more acute. You may want to feel close to them but not know how to do that without becoming overwhelmed. 

Ways to feel connected

• Look at a favourite photograph – I have mine on my phone screensaver, and I wake up every morning to her smiling face, and wish her a good morning everyday.
• Make a simple meal you loved eating together.
• Spend a few minutes at their resting place – I go every week, it’s where I feel closest to her.
• Listen to a song, prayer, audio book tied to a memory
• Say their name or speak a thought aloud – I do this a lot, speak a thought out loud or talk to her as if she can hear me.

These small actions help me and can help you acknowledge the place your loved one still holds in your life.

Reach Out to People Who Understand Loss

Not everyone can deal with grief. Some people avoid it. Others try to cheer you up without getting how you’re feeling. But one or two people might understand exactly what this time means for you,  the emotional weight of losing someone, and they can probably offer the support you need. 

Simple ways to connect

• Send a short message to someone who understands
• Share a memory with someone who knew your loved one
• Let yourself be honest with one safe person
• Join online spaces where people share similar experiences (see grief organisations at end of article)
• Arrange a short visit with someone supportive
• Allow yourself to receive support without it feeling like a burden

Don’t do this alone, talk or reach out to someone if you’re finding this time overwhelming. 

Keeping the Day Manageable 

Holiday weeks can stretch out. If you’re grieving, long days with no structure can feel unsettling Or the opposite is true, if you’ve a family or are still caring for others, life can be even busier as you try to juggle everything whilst others who are grieving alone may find those hours too long.

Make time for yourself, build some kind of plan that gives your days shape without feeling like it’s too much. Do what feels right for you, carve out alone time if you need it, or fill part of the day so the quiet doesn’t dominate.

Simple ways build structure

• Pick a familiar walk to take. Head somewhere you know well, even if it’s just around the block for fresh air.
• Cue up a comforting movie or show. Something you’ve watched before can feel like a safe escape for an hour or two.
• Read that book you always wanted to but never had the time.
• Get out of the house, go to the movies, visit a museum 
• Have a comfort meal ready to go. Keep something easy and familiar on hand, like a favorite soup or sandwich
• Have a routine that builds in quiet time for you if you’re overrun by family

Focus on what you can handle and do things that help you structure your day the way that suits you.

Step Into the New Year Without Pressure

January can be a difficult month, especially when it’s tied to loss. For me, it’s the month I lost my mum, so all the talk of resolutions and fresh starts is not something I’ll be thinking of. You might feel something similar, or January might carry a different meaning for you.

You don’t have to set goals. You don’t have to make plans. You don’t have to think of the future until you’re ready.

A softer approach to January

• Don’t feel pressured into setting goals, give yourself space to move at your own pace
• Think about what you need right now in the next few days, weeks, not months ahead
• Let others have their excitement around new year, new me, without trying to join in
• Take small steps if you want to look forward, a small trip somewhere, starting a new hobby etc
• Acknowledge that certain dates may carry more meaning 

A new year isn’t a reset. It’s simply another period of time you’re learning to move through.

Your Grief Has a Place Here

The holidays can bring up emotions you weren’t expecting. You don’t need to force yourself into any kind of celebration. You don’t need to hide your sadness or pretend you’re coping better than you are.

You are allowed to move through it in the way that supports you best. You can choose quiet. You can choose connection. You can choose simplicity. You can choose to do very little at all.

It’s up to you and part of how you care for yourself while living with the loss of someone you loved. 

I’ve shared my journey and these ideas because I believe we can lift each other by being real about the struggle. Coping with grief this Christmas isn’t something to get over, it’s something you live with, day by day.  

How are you managing this season? What’s been helping you, or what’s felt the most difficult to face?

I hope some of these thoughts help you or at least remind you that someone else understands. Sending you love and hugs.

Grief Support Organisations (UK & US)

If you need further support, these organisations might help, virtual and in-person options suitable for adults grieving a loved one.

Organisation	Location	Website	What Support They Offer
Cruse Bereavement Support	UK	https://www.cruse.org.uk	Helpline, online chat, local and virtual groups, extra availability around Christmas and New Year
Sue Ryder Online Bereavement Community	UK	https://www.sueryder.org	24/7 online forum, video counselling, ongoing support when other services close for the holidays
The Good Grief Trust	UK	https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org	Directory of national services, peer groups, holiday-specific resources
Marie Curie Bereavement Support	UK	https://www.mariecurie.org.uk	Helpline, regular bereavement check-in calls, support for those who cared for someone with dementia
WAY Widowed & Young (widowed under 50)	UK	https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk	Peer support groups, online meetups, community events during holiday periods
GriefShare	US	https://www.griefshare.org	Local and online groups, “Surviving the Holidays” sessions across the country
What’s Your Grief	US/Online	https://whatsyourgrief.com	Courses, webinars, worksheets, strong holiday content for adults grieving a parent or partner
Modern Loss	US/Online	https://modernloss.com	Workshops, conversations, virtual events that feel relatable for adult grievers
Compassionate Friends (Adult Loss Groups)	US & UK	US: https://www.compassionatefriends.org • UK: https://www.tcf.org.uk	Peer support for adults grieving a family member, seasonal remembrance events
The Dinner Party (20s–40s)	Global (virtual)	https://www.thedinnerparty.org	Peer-led virtual tables, informal conversation spaces during the holidays
Hospice Bereavement Services	UK & US	Search “hospice bereavement support + your area”	Local grief groups, one-to-one sessions, many run holiday support programmes
Reddit – r/GriefSupport	Global	https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport	24/7 online community where people share what they’re facing at any hour