Looking back on my time caring for Mum, I realise there were things I wish I had known sooner—mistakes I made that, with experience, I learned to correct. I thought that I’d share some of these for those starting this caregiving journey and a reminder to those on it on what to avoid.
Hopefully sharing these common mistakes dementia caregivers make along with practical tips will help support your home life and maintain brain health for as long as possible.
Ignoring Signs of Social Isolation
This one crept on me and mum. I hadn’t realised it had happened but slowly friends and family stop calling over or maintaining contact to the level they used to before. A few key people still kept in contact, but some people disappeared entirely, using excuses like, “I don’t know what to say” or “She just keeps repeating herself.” It frustrated me, but before I knew it, our world had shrunk down to healthcare professionals and care workers.
I know social isolation can worsen cognitive decline, so once I saw what had happened, I made changes to our lives so that each day mum had an event where she had meaningful connections with different people.
I know that it definitely helped reduce her anxiety and stress. Here’s some ideas: –
- Schedule Social Activities: Don’t wait for people to come to you—make it happen. Join local dementia-friendly groups, plan visits, or arrange simple outings.
Example: Have tea afternoons where family members take turns visiting and sharing old stories. We joined an art class for those with dementia and their caregivers on Mondays and a weekly singing class run by the Alzheimer’s society.
- Use Technology: Use user-friendly devices like tablets to video call distant relatives or watch shared content together, YouTube is great for finding vlogs of people from your background sharing their lives can prompt connection with your loved one.
E.g. every Sunday we had a Facetime call with my cousin who has early onset dementia, that helped us both, as mum loved chatting to him and when they finished, I could catch up and share stories on caregiving. Win, win for both families.
- Encourage Pet Interaction: Animals can ease loneliness, bring joy and improve mood. Do you have family or friends that can bring a pet around or could you go to a petting zoo or farm as a day out together. Many care homes bring in trained animals as part of their pet therapy programs.
E.g. I ended up getting two cats in our home, and it wasn’t something I considered lightly because of the worry over the cost, care, and whether mum would like a cat. If you’re considering getting one, then read this from Alzheimer’s society “Can caring for a pet help a person with dementia?”
Relying on an Unbalanced Diet
Nobody plans to feed a loved one a poor diet, but stress, time, or our loved ones refusing food can lead to unhealthy shortcuts. We all know that having a diet high in processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats is bad and can increase inflammation in the body.
You don’t have to be perfect either, what really mattered was trying to give her a balanced, varied diet rich in vegetables and whole foods while keeping processed and sugary foods to a minimum.
I worked hard to provide healthy meals tailored to Mum’s tastes but also allowed for small indulgences—like her love for doughnuts. Try these tips: –
- Plan Meals Ahead: I didn’t have enough time to spare so meal prepping became my lifesaver. I’d double dinner portions for the next day’s lunch or roast a big tray of veggies (courgettes, carrots, broccoli, sweet potatoes) to use throughout the week.
- Upgrade Your Snacks: Swap crackers and chips for brain-loving alternatives like almonds, walnuts, or an apple with peanut butter. Keep these snacks visible on a counter or where your loved one can reach them when they’re hungry
- Quick Breakfast Options: Overnight oats are a great option for adding in complex carbs and fruit or if your loved one prefers a more savoury option then hard-boiled eggs on whole-grain toast with avocado is a great option for protein and healthy fats.
- Batch-Cook Soups or One-Pot Meals: Combine lentils, spinach, and tomatoes with spices like turmeric (a brain-friendly anti-inflammatory) for a nutrient-packed dinner you can make once and eat throughout the week.
- Encourage Hydration – this was the trickiest one for us, getting mum to drink enough during the day to avoid getting UTIs or increased confusion etc. Having a jug or cup of water nearby or squash, juice, smoothies, fruits with high water content, like melons all helped.
Overlooking Sleep Disruption
You may have experienced this when your loved one can’t sleep. Whether due to anxiety, hallucinations, or night time restlessness, poor sleep can speed up cognitive decline.
We know that deep sleep helps your body recover, so don’t let it get out of hand and seek help as soon as possible. Talk to your doctor, memory clinic or Admiral nurses all can help you with your loved one to improve sleep patterns. Don’t beat yourself up over this, because you’re likely to be sleep deprived as well, do what you can with the help of others but give yourself grace and opportunity to recharge when you can. Here’s some ideas to improve sleep quality: –
- Establish a calming bedtime routine: This was an important step for us, building an effective bedtime routine to wind down for the night can help a loved one with dementia. This might mean sipping on chamomile tea, using lavender essential oils or pillow mist sprays and having familiar items surrounding her bed. We also limited caffeine to the mornings and avoid stimulating activities before bed, such as watching action packed TV programs.
- Block Light and Sound: Use blackout curtains and use soothing music to help your loved one with dementia ready for sleep without any disruptions.
- Talk to a Professional: If sleep disruption is becoming chronic then talk to your doctor, work closely with them to identify underlying cause e.g. could it be pain related to find solutions.
E.g. I sought advice from an Admiral Nurse, went caffeine-free, tried magnesium supplements (after consulting the doctor), and addressed Mum’s pain. It didn’t solve everything, but it significantly improved our nights.
Assuming All Physical Activity is Too Risky
Many caregivers fall into the habit of avoiding some physical activity over safety concerns. I fell into that trap earlier on with mum. I was so worried about falls, that I became overprotective over her. Mum was very independent and walked everywhere before her spinal condition. So, we adapted, made sure that safety didn’t stop her from regular physical activity.
- Incorporate Movement: Scary as it may be especially if your loved one has coordination or balance issues but we all need physical activity, so instead of avoiding it, try leading with low-risk activities like walking, yoga, or seated aerobics that cater to your loved one’s physical ability or higher risks ones within a professional supported environment like rock climbing walls!
- Engage with Functional Exercises: Physical activities doesn’t have to just mean exercises; it can include daily tasks such as gardening or cleaning with your loved ones.
- Make the Home Safer: Do a quick risk assessment, don’t avoid it just assess it and remove trip hazards like loose rugs, ensure proper footwear, and keep areas well-lit to minimise risks during physical activity.
E.g. As Mum’s mobility changed, we used walking aids, then a wheelchair. We also incorporated a pedal exerciser and chair-based exercises, physiotherapy and massage sessions to keep her moving.
Not Prioritising Cognitive Stimulation
It’s easy to rely on TV when you’re knackered, but keeping the brain engaged is vital. Since Mum wasn’t very mobile, I had to create opportunities for cognitive stimulation. Boredom is one of things that can lead to anxiety and stress and further mental decline, so instead I tried different things for mental engagement.
- Incorporate Daily Challenges: Engage in puzzles, simple word searches, playing simple card games, or reminiscing over old photos etc.
e.g. Mum was a whizz at maths. I just simplified the sums, and we worked on shopping lists together or working out the cost of making something from scratch.
- Using Music and Art: Use creative outlets like drawing, painting, or listening to favourite songs. Research suggests music therapy promotes emotional balance and memory retrieval. There are lots of websites out there that have music from a particular era or style that you can tune into or even a dementia radio station like m4Dradio or Playlist for Life (this site is incredible!)
- Use Everyday Tasks: Even small decisions—choosing clothes for the day or helping plan meals—give a sense of purpose. Working together can be a meaningful activity like folding laundry, cooking simple meals, or planning & booking upcoming events together.
Final Thoughts
Dementia caregiving comes with many challenges, but small adjustments can make a big difference. Recognising and finding solutions for these common mistakes dementia caregivers make—encouraging social interaction, supporting brain health with good food, prioritising sleep, ensuring safe movement, and engaging the mind—all can help improve life for your loved one.
Caregiving isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about doing what you can, learning as you go. I have many more lessons I’ve learnt along the way in this journey. Let me know in the comments if you found this helpful and if you’d like me to share more!
